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Welcome to the Aura Holistic Therapies Blog.

 

A sharing of the feminine through  awarenessness and wellness.

 

 

By Leora Leboff, Mar 11 2016 10:26PM



Coping mechanisms at times of personal tragedy or trauma are truly fascinating.


Some of us need to share our thoughts and thought processes; some of us need to remain private; some of us need to internalise; some of us need to create a safe space for others who have undergone similar experiences, maybe by running a support group; some of us go on to educate and work to support others who have experienced similar trauma; some raise money for charity, or even set up their own charity.


Each and every intention that is born out of a trauma or tragedy will come from a place of authenticity and a drive to cope. And each will also play a role in the healing journey of the person involved.


Losing a baby or child is a trauma that illicits many diverse and individual responses.


Support groups are available, some in person, many online and thankfully with the space created by social media there is more and more opportunity for offering or receiving assistance. Within this network sometimes what emerges is a name that unifies those that are coping with the same situation.





Rainbow Babies are those precious souls carried and born following a pregancy or baby loss.


It's utterly beautiful to connect your next precious pregnancy or baby you can actually hold, feed, take home and nurture, to a phenomenon that occurs after a storm has broken and the sunlight that has been allowed in to break the darkness.


And there is such darkness to weather when you've been left with empty arms and a broken heart.


When I googled Rainbow Baby, endless search results came up; there is clearly a huge amount of support that comes with the term - many pages, images and services are on offer to bring comfort to parents.


But what of those who grow up being Rainbow Babies?


They are the much longed-for child, who has grown, has filled their parents lives, has been able to offer cuddles, giggles and hopefully joy.


But, what other weight is being held with this name?


The constant reminder of loss; I am here because my sibling or siblings died. Could this name carry guilt? I live, but my baby brother or sister didn't. Do I want to be recognised by this label that will always refer to the baby before me? Can I not be my own person?


I wasn't aware of the term when I was pregnant with my daughter after losing Baby Harry. I decided to ask her what she thought of the name Rainbow Baby/Child (she's 10 years old) and shared with her its meaning. Her reaction was that it was a lovely name. After this conversation, we had a busy afternoon, a period of time passed, so I tested the water and referred to her again later as my Rainbow Child. This time she began to get upset, and made it clear that she didn't want me to use the term again. It was hard for her to verbalise why her reaction was so strong, but she did ask me to use pet names I've had for her in the past instead. I'm assuming they felt safer.


There is certainly no right and no wrong in using the term Rainbow Baby. The comfort for parents is palpable, but so was the strength of rejection of it by my daughter.


Our methods of coping when faced with recovering from trauma will always remain highly individual.


EFT and Abdominal Massage are therapies that can play a part in helping to ease such trauma and finding peace.


To all who are on their healing journey following baby loss, I wish you peace in your heart.



Blessings

x






By Leora Leboff, Mar 23 2015 09:35PM


My friend Trauma? Really?


It's an incredibly hard concept to fathom that companionship can develop with trauma. How can you possibly build a deep and comforting relationship with an event, a feeling, a pain, even a thought that has had such destructive consequences on your whole being?


Trauma is one very powerful force.


You experience the cause, you move through the shock, you may be left with the physical scars, but you're also left with the memory, often developing into Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (in this piece, however, I wont be discussing PTSD). You try everything your conscious self allows to "deal" with it. This could be counselling, psychotherapy, medication, natural remedies, homeopathy, meditiation, healing, whatever you chose as your methods of care. But something remains, you just can't seem to extricate yourself from the repetitive thoughts, the replaying of the experience in your memory, over and over again, until it becomes a narrative.


It becomes your story.


At this point the relationship may shift, it feels as though your story has entered every cell of your body and becomes such an intrinsic part of you that an uneasy friendship starts to form.


It might be a deeply uncomfortable bedfellow, but you begin to find that you can't be without it. It gradually takes on a persona of its own and eventually you find yourself having the urge to say to people "Come and meet my good friend Trauma..."


This friendship has power.


Maybe it gives you an identity, a purpose; you actually feel safe with the discomfort as it shows you're alive.


Beware though, trauma isn't exclusive - trauma hooks up with a bad crowd - the leader being your inner

critic - you know the one who shouts, sometimes far too loud at you, and for women, mostly when you're premenstrual, but she can pop up at any time! Trauma hangs out with her.


Sometimes it consciously doesn't feel right to give up the trauma.


It's too hard to step away from the friendship. How will I be able to feel after breaking up? What's there to replace the strength of the attachment? Maybe I'll actually feel lonely without this companionship. You may even feel an intangible connection that is almost imperceptible but far reaching, perhaps there's a generational or even ancestral link that binds you to your friend?


This relationship can keep you in a cocooned world.


In a world where you don't have to expose your true inner self. I don't mean that self who is holding hands with the trauma, but the one who can fly, who can create, who truly feels life, sees colours in their full brightness, see beauty around them, the one who allows the world to be seen in HD, rather than through a slightly fuzzy-screened 1970s cumbersome tv. That self is kept hidden away.


But what happens when you want the friendship to end...?


I had my story, my own relationship that developed when I lost both parents and my baby all within six months of each other. I recall times, months after, when I had to just cry and cry and cry. I'd momentarily check in with myself - which loss was I crying for? The wrenching sadness of not having Mum? The deep emptiness of losing my baby? The sometimes debilitating disbelief of Dad passing so unexpectedly and suddenly? All traumatic events individually, but squeeze them in to a six month period and you have yourself there some deep dark trauma!


Sometimes I would just be sobbing from the overwhelm of all three. But with each sob, I knew I was where I had to be. Comforted by the trauma; my new friend sat with me as a cried those tears - not just for the losses, but for almost every sadness I had felt throughout my life.


The friendship deepened and sadly pervaded so many areas of my life that it almost stopped me growing. As my personal work on healing the trauma developed, the realisation came, that what had become integral to my being, actually no longer served me.


I spent years trying to free myself from the now unwanted friendship, but the companionship persisted.


We will each have our own methods of breaking off the friendship with trauma.


For me counselling and psychotherapy, and many other forms of treatment each eased feelings and emotions, but the friendship persisted. As my journey continued, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or tapping and Abdominal Massage come in to my life. Both of these therapies finally facilitated the much longed-for break up with the wholly unhealthy friendship I had with trauma.





The dichotomy of trauma being an uncomfortable yet deeply reassuring companion is breakable. It is possible to see the beauty again and to fly.


I understand that this will not be everyone's experience and I wish those who do and those who do not identify with this premise, a peaceful journey in your healing.


As I work with these therapies alongside my Aromatherapy practice, I continue to be moved and in awe of how beautifuly they allow someone to be held in their experience. Witnessing shifts, whatever the source, is so incredibly heart-singing. If you would like to get in touch and see how these nurturing and healing therapies can support you please do contact me


For a list of Abdominal-Sacral Massage Therapists click here


For a list of therapists trained in Fertility Massage click here


Blessings


Top artwork: "Moonlight Walk" by Lucy Calhoun

Lower artwork: Lisa Rough




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